Kool-Keeping Kwiz
June 1970 Popular Electronics

June 1970 Popular Electronics Table of Contents Wax nostalgic about and learn from the history of early electronics. See articles from Popular Electronics, published October 1954 - April 1985. All copyrights are hereby acknowledged.

Here is a humorous "kwiz" that appeared in the June 1970 issue of Popular Electronics magazine. Your answers to questions will determine whether you are a truly cool technophile, or you are just a maniacal misanthrope who happens to know something about radios and regulations. This would probably have been more aptly printed two issues earlier as an April Fools' joke. 

Other Carl Kohler masterpieces: "The Great Electron-Pedantic Project," "Dig That Reel Flat Response," "I Married a Superheterodyne," "Unpopular Electronics," "Operation Chaos," "Thin Air, My Foot," "High Tide in the Tweeter," "The R/C Cloud," "Hi-Fi Guest List," "Kool-Keeping Kwiz ," "Boner Box," and "McWatts."

Kool-Keeping Kwiz

How well do you cope with life's bruises and abrasions?

It's a philosophical fact that into every existence a little pain must crawl. The question is, "How well do you withstand the pain?" To find out, take the following pseudological test, consisting of several theoretical Life Situations no electronics enthusiast is likely to encounter. The test does not purport to increase your self-knowledge, but it may add to your confusion. A dubious scoring system, found at the conclusion of the test, is based on whichever of the multiple-choice reactions you instinctively and neurotically selected. No cheating now-and good luck!

Supermouth

* While attending a social gathering, You hear a loud-mouthed type bragging that his CB antenna has broken the height regulations for years, and you realize that he is unaware that another guest is the FCC Field Engineer. What would you do?

A.    Whisper a warning.

B.    Feel embarrassed for him.

C.    Belch nervously.

D.    Listen carefully as he prattles on.

E.    Ask the lout to repeat his brag to the FCC employee.

Hurry-I'm Double Parked

*A neighbor with more gall than most borrows you constant-current ohmmeter. Within an hour he brings it back, asking you to repair it so he can get on with his testing. What would you do?

A.    Graciously comply with his request.

B.    Coldly refuse.

C.    Feel stunned.

D.    Talk real dirty.

E.     Brandish a soldering iron at him.

It Is Nobler to Receive

*Quite accidentally you learn that your wife is planning to give you a costly set of living room furniture and drapes for a wedding anniversary present. What would you do?

A.    Feel pleased.

B.    Try to talk her out of it.

C.    Give her a bound file of Popular Electronics project schematics.

D.    Surprise her with a collection of every other Heathkit item on the market.

E.    Sulk.

I've Gathered You Here

*Having generously agreed to share your vast knowledge of solid-state theory with an electronics club, your lecture is off to an impressive start when your mind goes blank on the whole subject. What would you do?

A.    Admit you can't remember a thing.

B.    Ask for help in getting restarted.

C.    Smoothly divert their interest to a faked-out history of electronics.

D.    Sing and dance.

E.    Sprint for the nearest exit.

I Gave at the Office

*Having worked long and hard to build your own specially modified Universal Frequency Counter, you find your wife has given it to a shut-in to take apart for the therapeutic fun of having something to do. What would you do?

A.    Consult your attorney about institutionalizing her.

B.    Report her to the Westinghouse people.

C.    Stamp your foot.

D.    Offer the shut-in some tools.

E.    Proceed with the next project - from the safety of another country.

Part 95 Violation

* You're a bachelor and you've finally succeeded in becoming chummy enough with the curvy little blonde who moved into the next-door apartment to be invited over for a friendly drink. Once there, you discover that the delectable creature is blithely operating a CB rig with a 250-waft linear. What would you do?

A.    Reprimand her sternly.

B.    Report her to the FCC.

C.    Decide to meet another girl.

D.    Drink your drink and say nothing.

E.    Teach her how to work skip on channels 24A and 24B.

But I Learned That in School

*By sheer accident your cable TV has gone berserk and channel 13 is showing "educational" stag films. What would you do?

A.    Tune to another channel.

B.    Have the cable TV send a repairman.

C.    Keep the information to yourself.

D.    Call the neighbors in for a party.

E.    Write a protesting letter to FCC Commissioner Johnson.

Wanted: One Anechoic Chamber

*After laboring diligently for weeks you've scratch-built a magnificent hi-fi stereo system with speakers and a beautiful cabinet of your own design. Just as you're ready to try it out, your mother-in-law, who is visiting you and your wife, becomes ill, and the doctor prescribes quietude - bordering on complete silence - for her recovery. What would you do?

A.    Wait with clenched teeth.

B.    Have the doctor's credentials checked out.

C.    Go on an aspirin diet.

D.    Buy her a matched set of earplugs.

E.    Write a complaining letter to "Dear Abbey".

You'll Never Get It off the Ground

*A slight acquaintance lets you talk him into installing your multi-proportional R/C system in his newly built, highly expensive model airplane - and it crashes into splinters. What would you do?

A.    Offer to replace the airplane.

B.    Buy him a cup of consolation coffee.

C.    Deride his flight dexterity.

D.    Yawn.

E.    Bill him for your ruined system.

Of Course They Could

* While casually tuning your short-wave receiver, you overhear two stations discussing a plot to kidnap the Statue of Liberty and hold it for ransom, What would you do?

A.    Call President Nixon direct.

B.    Mail an anonymous letter to the FBI.

C.    Jam their radio frequency.

D.    Fly United to Bedloe's Island to see it happen.

E.    Offer to sell a statue of Sophia Loren to the Government as a replacement.

Quizzes from vintage electronics magazines such as Popular Electronics, Electronics-World, QST, and Radio News were published over the years - some really simple and others not so simple. Robert P. Balin created most of the quizzes for Popular Electronics. This is a listing of all I have posted thus far.

Check Your Score Here

All righty, now that you've checked the various reactions to these dismal Life Situations, it's analysis time. If you have mostly A reactions, it could indicate that you are Mr. Straight Arrow. Mostly B reactions might mean that you're a flexible individual. Mostly C reactions clearly indicate a warm, human will to survive. Mostly D reactions show that you tend to have an enviable Kool indeed. If you have mostly E reactions, it's a sad hint that you are an accomplished loser. Of course, if you actually bothered to check any choices at all, you're putting us on more than we did you with this screwy thing.

Posted April 8, 2014