 These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Humor #1,
#2, #3
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb
man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee =
overtime SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A
man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. HAPPINESS To be
happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love
her a lot and not try to understand her at all. LONGEVITY Married men live longer than
single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me
at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ALL ABOUT TIME
(thanks to Ken Weiner for these additions) Physicist: Time is Relative Businessman: Time is Money
Salesman: 90 days same as cash ...thanks to Steve for this one, too. |
