 These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Humor #1,
#2, #3
The Recommended Practices
Committee of the International Society of Philosophical Engineers
Law #1: In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so. Law #2: Any error in any
calculation will be in the direction of most harm. Law #3: In any formula, constants (especially those
obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables. Law #4: The best
approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those conditions
encountered in actual service.
Law #5: The most vital dimension on any plan drawing stands the most chance of being omitted.
Law #6: If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be unreasonable.
Law #7: If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent production units will malfunction.
Law #8: All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.
Law #9: Major changes in construction will always be requested after fabrication is nearly complete.
Law #10: Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
Law #11: Interchangeable parts won't. Law #12: Manufacturer's specifications of performance should
be multiplied by a factor of 0.5. Law #13: Salespeople's claims for performance should be multiplied by a
factor of 0.25. Law #14: Installation and Operating Instructions shipped with the device will be promptly
discarded by the Receiving Department. Law #15: Any device requiring service or
adjustment will be the least accessible. Law #16: Service conditions as given on specifications will be
exceeded. Law #17: If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
Law #18: Identical units which test in an identical fashion will not behave in an identical fashion
in the field. Law #19: If, in engineering practice, a safety factor is sent through the
service experience at an ultimate value, an ingenious idiot will promptly calculate a method to
exceed said safety factor. Law #20: Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by
payment of the invoice.
Law #21: The rule for engineers: "Change the data to fit the curve."
...from the Inflection Point web site. |
