 These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Humor #1,
#2, #3
At last count,
Bill Gates had an estimated net worth of $42
billion dollars ($42,000,000,000.000.00). He has earned since his birth an average of $32.31 per heartbeat, and
this is escalating. He recently donated $200 million to place computers in libraries across the country. This is
1/210 of his wealth. Here are some other things he could do:
- Pay NBA MVP
Michael Jordan's salary for 1,394 years.
- Give every man, woman and child on the face of the Earth $7.46.
- Pay every California Lottery
prize for the next 34 years.
- Fund 158 Mars Pathfinder
missions.
-
Fund the US Department of Education
for 19 years.
- Pay tuition for the residents of Seattle
and Tacoma to go to the
University of Washington for four years.
- Fund the US presence in the
Persian Gulf for 11 months.
- Fund the US peacekeeping forces in
Bosnia for 157 years.
- Buy 233,346,297 copies of
Microsoft Windows
95.
- Buy 1,680,000,000 copies of his own book, buy more with his royalties from those sales, continuing the cycle
and easily the best selling author of all time.
- Make Hanson the most successful musicians of all time by
buying 3,529,411,765 copies of "Middle of
Nowhere."
- If he wanted to challenge George Lucas
(worth only $2 billion), he could make 227 sequels to "Waterworld,"
or 35,000 sequels to "Sling Blade."
- At the median donation for spending a night in the
White House, he could stay in the
Lincoln Bedroom for
46,300 years.
- If he wanted to go on a killing spree in Los Angeles County,
at the rate that Simpson was charged, he could kill 3,360 people and pay all his attorney fees and punitive
damages.
- At the rate of 1/2 ounce per $27 million, he could pay
Mike Tyson to eat 1/5 of
Evander Holyfield.
- He could fly from Seattle to
Paris and back on
Air France 45,258,621 times.
- If he wanted to go to a local baseball game, he could buy
Seattle Mariners
season tickets, all of them, for 411 years, and with his spare change could buy the team and the
Kingdome.
- At Denny's, he could buy a "Grand
Slam Slugger Breakfast" for 9,150,326,797 people.
- If he couldn't get service, he could buy every man, woman and child in
China a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, as long as no
one "Super Sizes."
- If they preferred, he could buy 17 billion packages of Top
Ramen noodles.
- He must like coffee, and could buy over 6 billion pounds of French roast at his local
Starbuck's.
- Speaking of a cup of coffee, he could support one of those
Sally Struther's foreign kids for
113,341,969 years.
Perhaps what he needs to spend money on most is a new pair of glasses and some hair conditioner.
Author Unknown... |
