 These engineering and science tech-centric
jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends
and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but
it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is
light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended,
so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Humor #1,
#2, #3
If Abbott and Costello were still
around today their famous sketch "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this...
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my
den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy
in here? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I
look in the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
software. ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my
business. What have you got? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend
anything? ABBOTT: I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a
proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? ABBOTT: The Word
you get when you click the blue "W". COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with
some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One. COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course. COSTELLO: Great! With what? ABBOTT: Real One. COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my
computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? ABBOTT: You click the blue "1". COSTELLO: I
click the blue one what? ABBOTT: The blue "1". COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there's three words
in "office for windows"! ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is? ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out
all the other Words out there. COSTELLO: And that word is real one? ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to
do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office. COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about
financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: That's
right. What do you have? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? ABBOTT: One copy. COSTELLO: Isn't it
illegal to copy money? ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money. COSTELLO: They can give
you a license to copy money? ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! A FEW DAYS LATER...
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? ABBOTT:
Click on "START".......... Note: I originally had this attributed to an unknown author since no
one at the time of my posting knew who the author was, either. Recently, I was contacted by a gentleman named Tom
King who claims to have written this skit. I have no way of verifying the claim, but will assume it is true unless
otherwise challenged. His version is available here:
https://twayneking.blogspot.com/2009/05/costello-calls-to-buy-computer-from.html |
