These tech-centric jokes,
song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and
websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee =
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love
her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than
single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me
at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
ALL ABOUT TIME
(thanks to Ken Weiner for these additions)
Physicist: Time is Relative
Businessman: Time is Money
Salesman: 90 days same as cash
...thanks to Steve for this one, too.