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Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor
that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted
and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care
to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones), degrading political taunts, and hateful
tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio
clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor
page to the e-mail link above.
| Humor #2 | Humor #3
At last count, Bill Gates had an estimated net worth of $42 billion dollars ($42,000,000,000.000.00). He has earned since his birth an average of $32.31 per heartbeat, and this is escalating. He recently donated $200 million to place computers in libraries across the country. This is 1/210 of his wealth. Here are some other things he could do:
Perhaps what he needs to spend money on most is a new pair of glasses and some hair conditioner.
- Pay NBA MVP Michael Jordan's salary for 1,394 years.
- Give every man, woman and child on the face of the Earth $7.46.
- Pay every California Lottery prize for the next 34 years.
- Fund 158 Mars Pathfinder missions.
- Fund the US Department of Education for 19 years.
- Pay tuition for the residents of Seattle and Tacoma to go to the University of Washington for four years.
- Fund the US presence in the Persian Gulf for 11 months.
- Fund the US peacekeeping forces in Bosnia for 157 years.
- Buy 233,346,297 copies of Microsoft Windows 95.
- Buy 1,680,000,000 copies of his own book, buy more with his royalties from those sales, continuing the cycle and easily the best selling author of all time.
- Make Hanson the most successful musicians of all time by buying 3,529,411,765 copies of "Middle of Nowhere."
- If he wanted to challenge George Lucas (worth only $2 billion), he could make 227 sequels to "Waterworld," or 35,000 sequels to "Sling Blade."
- At the median donation for spending a night in the White House, he could stay in the Lincoln Bedroom for 46,300 years.
- If he wanted to go on a killing spree in Los Angeles County, at the rate that Simpson was charged, he could kill 3,360 people and pay all his attorney fees and punitive damages.
- At the rate of 1/2 ounce per $27 million, he could pay Mike Tyson to eat 1/5 of Evander Holyfield.
- He could fly from Seattle to Paris and back on Air France 45,258,621 times.
- If he wanted to go to a local baseball game, he could buy Seattle Mariners season tickets, all of them, for 411 years, and with his spare change could buy the team and the Kingdome.
- At Denny's, he could buy a "Grand Slam Slugger Breakfast" for 9,150,326,797 people.
- If he couldn't get service, he could buy every man, woman and child in China a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, as long as no one "Super Sizes."
- If they preferred, he could buy 17 billion packages of Top Ramen noodles.
- He must like coffee, and could buy over 6 billion pounds of French roast at his local Starbuck's.
- Speaking of a cup of coffee, he could support one of those Sally Struther's foreign kids for 113,341,969 years.