Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been
collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual
overtones (or undertones) and hateful
tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio
clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor
page to the e-mail link above.
| Humor #2 | Humor #3
At last count,
had an estimated net worth of $42
billion dollars ($42,000,000,000.000.00). He has earned since his birth an average of $32.31 per heartbeat, and
this is escalating. He recently donated $200 million to place computers in libraries across the country. This is
1/210 of his wealth. Here are some other things he could do:
- Pay NBA MVP
Michael Jordan's salary for 1,394 years.
- Give every man, woman and child on the face of the Earth $7.46.
- Pay every California Lottery
prize for the next 34 years.
- Fund 158 Mars Pathfinder
Fund the US Department of Education
for 19 years.
- Pay tuition for the residents of Seattle
and Tacoma to go to the
University of Washington for four years.
- Fund the US presence in the
Persian Gulf for 11 months.
- Fund the US peacekeeping forces in
Bosnia for 157 years.
- Buy 233,346,297 copies of
- Buy 1,680,000,000 copies of his own book, buy more with his royalties from those sales, continuing the cycle
and easily the best selling author of all time.
- Make Hanson the most successful musicians of all time by
buying 3,529,411,765 copies of "Middle of
- If he wanted to challenge George Lucas
(worth only $2 billion), he could make 227 sequels to "Waterworld,"
or 35,000 sequels to "Sling Blade."
- At the median donation for spending a night in the
White House, he could stay in the
Lincoln Bedroom for
- If he wanted to go on a killing spree in Los Angeles County,
at the rate that Simpson was charged, he could kill 3,360 people and pay all his attorney fees and punitive
- At the rate of 1/2 ounce per $27 million, he could pay
Mike Tyson to eat 1/5 of
- He could fly from Seattle to
Paris and back on
Air France 45,258,621 times.
- If he wanted to go to a local baseball game, he could buy
season tickets, all of them, for 411 years, and with his spare change could buy the team and the
- At Denny's, he could buy a "Grand
Slam Slugger Breakfast" for 9,150,326,797 people.
- If he couldn't get service, he could buy every man, woman and child in
China a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, as long as no
one "Super Sizes."
- If they preferred, he could buy 17 billion packages of Top
- He must like coffee, and could buy over 6 billion pounds of French roast at his local
- Speaking of a cup of coffee, he could support one of those
Sally Struther's foreign kids for
Perhaps what he needs to spend money on most is a new pair of glasses and some hair conditioner.