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The More Things Change...Lord
Wellington, while in the process of driving Napoleon from the Iberian peninsula,
was interrupted with a message from Whitehall (Pentagon equivalent), demanding he
properly account for certain inventory items that had been rumored missing (scandalous,
according to the London newspapers). He responded, "We have enumerated our saddles,
bridles, tents and tent poles, and all manner of sundry items for which His Majesty's
Government holds me accountable...with two regrettable exception which I beg your
indulgence. Unfortunately, the sum of one shilling and nine pence remains unaccounted
for in one infantry battalion's petty cash, and there has been a hideous confusions
as to the number of jars of raspberry jam issued to one cavalry regiment during
a sandstorm in western Spain." "This reprehensible carelessness may be related to
the pressure of circumstances, since we are at war with France, a fact which may
come as a bit of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall. This brings me to my
present purpose, which is to request elucidation of my instructions from His Majesty's
Government, so that I may better understand why I am dragging an army over these
barren plains. I construe that...it must be one of two alternative duties...and
I shall pursue either of the two with the best of my ability. I will either train
an army of uniformed British soldiers in Spain to be clerks for the benefit of the
accountants and copy boys in London or, perchance, I will see to it that the force
of Napoleon are driven out of Spain. Since I cannot do both, please advise." The
more things change, the more things stay the same. :(
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