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Wacky Product Warning Labels

Engineering & Science Humor - RF CafeThese engineering and science tech-centric jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and websites across the Internet. I check back occasionally for new fodder, but it seems all the old content is reappearing all over (like this is). The humor is light-hearted and clean and sometimes slightly assaultive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.

Humor #1, #2, #3

Sure, we all love to hate lawyers. After all, many are very hate-able. Lawyers are undeniably responsible for the majority of the problems we have in the world because for the most part, they legislate and then adjudicate the laws that we are all forced to live by. However, we must also acknowledge the fact that just as keeping open food containers around invites roach infestations, keeping stupid people around invites lawyer infestations. Sure there will still be roaches and there would still be lawyers, but at least the thought of them is not so disgusting ... and they are not in your house.

Unfortunately, lawyers are in our homes all the time in the form of product warning labels made necessary by - you guessed it - stupid people. Here are a few doozies. If you have any to add, please enter them at the bottom of the page.

  • If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.

      - on a bottle of drain cleaner

  • Caution! Contents hot!

     - on a Domino's Pizza box

  • Not to be used as protection from a tornado

     - on a blanket from Taiwan

  • Caution: Shoots rubber bands

     - on a product called Rubber Band Shooter

  • Caution – Risk of Fire

     - on a fireplace log

  • Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover

     - on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists

  • This product not intended for use as a dental drill

     - on an electric router made for carpenters

  • Not dishwasher safe

     - on a remote control for a TV

  • Instructions – open packet, eat nuts

     - on an American Airlines packet of nuts

  • For indoor or outdoor use only

     - on a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights

  • Not to be used as a personal flotation device

     - on a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame

  • Warning: May cause drowsiness

     - on Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid

  • Do not use for drying pets

     - in the manual for a microwave oven

  • May irritate eyes

     - on a can of self-defense pepper spray

  • Don't use while sleeping or unconscious

     - on a handheld massager

  • Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage

     - on a portable stroller

  • Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth

     - on novelty rock garden

  • Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you

     - on a helmet-mounted mirror

  • Do not eat toner

     - on a cartridge for a laser printer

  • Warning: May contain nuts

     - on a package of peanuts

  • Do not drive with sunshield in place

     - on a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard

  • Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks

     - on an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter

  • Not intended for highway use

     - on a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow

  • Remove plastic before eating

     - on the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack

BTW, I have read articles from Expert Witnesses on many topics, most of which have caused me to wonder whether it would be a good career move to put myself in harm's way - evidently not too hard to do - and find a lawyer to make me (and himself, of course) rich enough to retire. Heck, maybe I could retire, go to law school, and then really make it big-time suing perfectly responsible people and their companies on behalf of really stupid people. After all, the must really not be any such thing as a preventable accident.

Recently, I read in Design News of a metallurgist who acted as an EW in a product liability case where a little kid was playing with a toy hammer and got struck in the eye by a piece of the claw that came off whilst he was pounding with it. Now, there was no warning label that could admonish the child against hammering with the claws rather than the head, so he could not be expected to know better. Besides, a child that age cannot read a warning label anyway. The result of the metallurgist's finding was that the metal had been improperly annealed, and accordingly the brittleness was too great. The company that produced the hammer settled out of court for a tidy sum. Yeah, it is tragic that the kid got his eye damaged, but was it really the hammer company's fault? As mentioned earlier, some lawyers are very hate-able.

Some cases: 1  2

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RF Cafe began life in 1996 as "RF Tools" in an AOL screen name web space totaling 2 MB. Its primary purpose was to provide me with ready access to commonly needed formulas and reference material while performing my work as an RF system and circuit design engineer. The World Wide Web (Internet) was largely an unknown entity at the time and bandwidth was a scarce commodity. Dial-up modems blazed along at 14.4 kbps while tying up your telephone line, and a nice lady's voice announced "You've Got Mail" when a new message arrived...

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