Calvin's Dad's Explanations of Scientific Phenomena
These tech-centric jokes,
song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and
websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
die-hard fan of Calvin & Hobbes© remembers the explanations that his dad (a
patent attorney in the comic strip) would offer to Calvin's technical questions. Here are a few of the most
memorable. Please send in any others that you happen to remember. It was a sad day, indeed, on January 1, 1996,
when the final strip was published. My son, Philip, has every (legal) Calvin & Hobbes book ever published (click
image to right).
Calvin's (C) Dad's (D) "scientific" explanations.
C: Why do my eyes shut when I sneeze?
D: If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow
your eyeballs out and
stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would flop around and you'd have to point them
with your hands to see anything.
C: How do bank machines work?
D: Well, let's say you want 25
dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine
there's a guy with a printing press who makes the
money and sticks it out this slot.
C: Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?
C: What causes the
D: Trees sneezing.
C: Why does ice float?
D: Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, so it
goes to the top of liquids to be nearer
to the sun.
C: How do they know the load limit on bridges,
D: They drive bigger and bigger trucks over the bridge until it breaks. Then they weigh the
truck and rebuild the bridge.
C: Why does the sun set?
D: It's because hot air rises. The sun's hot in
the middle of the day, so it rises high in the
sky. In the evening then, it cools down and sets.
does it go from east to west?
D: Solar wind.
C: Why does the sky turn red as the sun sets?
all the oxygen in the atmosphere catching fire.
C: Where does the sun go when it sets?
D: The sun sets
in the west. In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff.
D: That's why the rocks there are so red.
C: Don't the people get burned up?
D: No, the sun goes out as it sets. That's why it is dark at night.
C: Doesn't the sun crush the whole state when it lands?
D: Ha ha, of course not. Hold a quarter up. See, the
sun's just about the same size.
C: I thought I read that the sun was really big.
D: You can't believe
everything you read, I'm afraid.
C: So how does the sun rise in the east if it lands in Arizona each night?
D: Well, time for bed.
C: Dad, how come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color
film back then?
Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just the WORLD was
black and white then.
D: Yep. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy
color for a while, too.
C: That's really weird.
D: Well, truth is stranger than fiction.
C: But then why are old PAINTINGS in color?! If the world was
black and white, wouldn't
artists have painted it that way?
D: Not necessarily. A lot of great artists
C: But... but how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have
been shades of gray back then?
D: Of course, but they turned colors like everything else in the '30s.
So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?
D: Because they were color pictures of black and
C: Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me? I don't understand why time goes
slower at greater speed.
D: It's because you keep changing time zones. See, if you fly to California, you gain three
hours on a
five-hour flight, right? So if you go at the speed of light, you gain MORE time,
because it doesn't take
as long to get there. Of course, the theory of relativity only
works if you're going west.
come you know so much?
D: It's all in the book you get when you become a father.
the Lori's Mishmash Humor Page website, and other sources