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'Twas the Night Before Microsoft Took Over the World


'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

Dark Forces for Billy, and Doom II for Dan, And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann. The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom, To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com

Which has now been rerouted to Washington State Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates. All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.

After centuries of a life that was simple and spare, St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire With a shiny red Porsche in place of his sleigh And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens in black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans. The elves have stock options and desks with a view, Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.

No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive From now on Christmas runs only on Windows 95.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came And Bill whistled and shouted and called them by name. "Now, Adobe! Now, Claris! Now, Intuit, too. Now, Apple! and Netscape! All of you are through."

It is Microsoft's SANTA that kids can't resist. It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist. Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf, And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.

Get 'em young, keep 'em long is Microsoft's scheme And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream. To the top of the NASDAQ! To the top of the Dow! Dash away, dash away, dash away - Wow!

And Mom in her kerchief and I in my cap Had just settled down for a long winter's nap When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter The whir and hum of our satellite platter As it turned toward the new Christmas star in the sky The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy. As I sprang from my bed and was turning around My computer turned on with a Jingle Bells sound.

And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates. And I heard then exclaim in a voice so bright, "Have a Microsoft Christmas and to all a Good Night."


    ...author unknown.
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