The following is no joke.
Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been
collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with reproductive
function innuendo and hateful
tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio
clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor
page to the e-mail link above.
| Humor #2 | Humor #3
In 2002, Professor Richard Wiseman and The British Association for the Advancement of Science set up a website
and encouraged people to submit their favorite
jokes. It also requested that visitors rate the funniness of jokes submitted by other participants. The project
got worldwide media coverage, resulting in more than 40,000 jokes and 1.5 million ratings.
- The 1st place winning joke, submitted by
of Manchester, was:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them
collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls
the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says
"OK, now what?"
Taking 2nd place was this one by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went
to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and
tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "and what do you
deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have
planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like
earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole
- This was the top joke in the UK:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver
says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down,
fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and
tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
- In Australia, the top joke was:
A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much
worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked
at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes
were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The
doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing
wrong with your eyesight.
Other useful data from the Laugh Lab includes that jokes containing 103 words are the funniest, and jokes
mentioning ducks are funnier than others (although none of the top placers contained a reference to ducks).