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15 Reasons Why a Slide Rule is Better than a Workstation

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3


  • A Slide Rule doesn't shut down abruptly when it gets too hot.
  • One hundred people all using Slide Rules and Paper Pads do not start wailing and screaming due to a single-point failure.
  • A Slide Rule doesn't smoke whenever the power supply hiccups.
  • A Slide Rule doesn't care if you smoke, or hiccup.
  • You can spill coffee on a Slide Rule; you can use a Slide Rule while completely submerged in coffee.
  • You never get nasty system messages about filling up your entire paper quota with pointless GIF pictures for the root window.
  • A Slide Rule and Paper Pad fit in a briefcase with space left over for lunch or a change of underwear.
  • A properly used Slide Rule can perform pipelined *and* parallel operations. (Okay, you need a guru for this.)
  • You don't get junk mail offering pricey software upgrades that fix current floating point errors while introducing new ones.
  • A Slide Rule doesn't need scheduled hardware maintenance.
  • A Paper Pad supports text and graphics images easily, and can be easily upgraded from monochrome to color.
  • Slide Rules are designed to a standardized, open architecture.
  • You can hold a Slide Rule at arm's length, to hit the obnoxious person at the next seat over.
  • A Slide Rule is immune to viruses, worms, and other depredations from hostile adolescents with telephones.
  • Additional Paper Pads can be integrated into the system seamlessly and without needing to reconfigure everything.
  • Nobody will make you feel bad by introducing a smaller, faster, cheaper slide rule next month.









Based on an unoriginal Usenet post to uk.media.radio.archers by Mike Ellwood, June 1997.
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