Progenitor & Webmaster

Kirt Blattenberger

BSEE

KB3UON

EIEIO

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(Seize the Day!)

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Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with reproductive function innuendo and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3

A new look at quadratic equations?

Read:- 'a

If a = b (so I say) [a = b]

And we multiply both sides by a

Then we'll see that a

When with ab compared

Are the same. Remove b

Both sides we will factorize. See?

Now each side contains a - b. [(a+b)(a-b) = b(a-b)]

We'll divide through by a

Minus b and olé

a + b = b. Oh whoopee! [a+b = b]

But since I said a = b

b + b = b you'll agree? [b+b = b]

So if b = 1

Then this sum I have done [1+1 = 1]

Proves that 2 = 1. Q.E.D.

...from PeterW PeterW@lims.demon.uk

From: Karen REMOVEbruceandkaren@erols.com

I lost you exactly half way

When I saw that division by a

If a=b

Than only with c

Can we demonstrate what you don't say

a less b times b plus a

= ba less b, that's ok

But divide & dump b

Is -b, see?

So c has to be b+a

From: klein_bottle@hotmail.com (Jonah Edwards)

If you integrate zee squared dee zee

>From one to the cube root of three

Multiplied by cosine

Of three pi over nine

You get natural log of the cube root of e

Here's a limerick I picked up off the net a few years back - looks better on paper.

3_

\/3

/

| 2 3 X pi 3_

| z dz X cos(--------) = ln (\/e )

| 9

/

1

Which, of course, translates to:

Integral z-squared dz

from 1 to the cube root of 3

times the cosine

of three pi over 9

equals log of the cube root of 'e'.

And it's correct, too.

A mathematician named Klein

Thought the Mobius Band was divine.

Said he, "If you glue

The edges of two

You get a weird bottle like mine."

From: rjmnapa@aol.com (Renee )

Practical Application:

He's teaching her arithmetic,

He said it was his mission,

He kissed her once, he kissed her twice

and said, "Now that's addition."

As he added smack by smack

In silent satisfaction,

She sweetly gave the kisses back

and said, "Now that's subtraction."

Then he kissed her, she kissed him,

Without an explanation,

And both together smiled and said,

"That's multiplication."

Then Dad appeared upon the scene and

Made a quick decision.

He kicked that kid three blocks away

And said, "That's long division!"

Pi vs e

Pi goes on and on and on ...

And e is just as cursed.

I wonder: Which is larger

When their digits are reversed?

...from the www.wordsmith.org web site.