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Top Secret Windows 98 Source Code

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

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Included below is TOP SECRET Windows 98 source code. If this were release to the general public, the uprising against Microsoft could bankrupt the entire company! Do with it what you will.

/*Windows '98 source code.*/
/*
 TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code
 Project: Chicago(tm)
 Projected release-date: Summer 1998
 */

 #include "win31.h"
 #include "win95.h"
 #include "evenmore.h"
 #include "oldstuff.h"
 #include "billrulz.h"
 #define INSTALL_HARD

 char make_prog_look_big 1600000 ;

 void main()
 {
     while(!CRASHED)
     {
        display_copyright_message();
        display_bill_rules_message();
        do_nothing_loop();
        if (first_time_installation)
        {
            make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
            do_nothing_loop();
            totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
            search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
            hang_system();
        }
        write_something(anything);
        display_copyright_message();
        do_nothing_loop();
        do_some_stuff();
        if (still_not_crashed)
        {
            display_copyright_message();
            do_nothing_loop();
            basically_run_windows_3.1();
            do_nothing_loop();
            do_nothing_loop();
        }
    }

    if (detect_cache())
        disable_cache();

    if (fast_cpu())
    {
        set_wait_states(lots);
        set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
        set_mouse(action, jumpy);
        set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
    }

    /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
    /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
    printf("Welcome to Windows 98");

    if (system_ok())
        crash(to_dos_prompt);
    else
        system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

    while(something)
    {
        sleep(5);
        get_user_input();
        sleep(5);
        act_on_user_input();
        sleep(5);
    }
    create_general_protection_fault();

}

         ...author unknown.
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