Who Wants to Marry a Software Engineer?

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with reproductive function innuendo and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

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Hot on the heels of the success of the show, "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" Welcome to "Who Wants to Marry a Software Engineer?" Silicon Valley's newest game show.

Here's your contestant questionnaire...

• What quality do you value most in your partner? a) A sense of humor b) Emotional maturity. c) High bandwidth.
• When you get home at the end of the day, you like to: a) Turn on the Silicon Valley Business report, and eat dinner. b) Hook up to your ISP, and check out the hit count on your web page. c) Recharge your cell phone, laptop, and wireless modem, change batteries on your pager, and resynchronize your Palm Pilot and home computer.
• Your ideal partner is: a) Interesting and attractive. b) Emotionally mature and understanding. c) Extensible and polymorphic.
• In spiritually difficult times, you often turn to: a) Dilbert b) Kernighan and Ritchie c) comp.lang.c++
• If go over to your partner's place and think its a mess, you would: a) Complain to him/her, and tell them to tidy up. b) Call a maid service. c) Make clean
• What kind of car would you like to buy next, and why? a) A BMW, because people will see that I am rich and successful. b) A Jeep, because it's youthful, rugged, and won't break down. c) A Honda because the engine control computer can be hacked for more horsepower.
• If your partner comes home from work complaining bitterly about his boss, you will: a) Give him a hug, pour him a drink, and tell him you love him. b) Commiserate about how unfair managers can be. c) Forge the boss's e-mail address, and subscribe him to 17 pornography mailing lists.
• Name the 4 essential food groups: a) Fruit, vegetables, meat, dairy. b) Coffee, chocolate, takeout, ice cream. c) rec.food.cooking, rec.food.veg, ba.food, alt.food.chocolate
• You like to travel with your partner because: a) You share new experiences together. b) You learn about each other in different situations. c) You get more use out of your wireless modem.
• How would you describe your attitude towards religion? a) "I'm not particularly religious." b) "I believe in emacs, but can use vi." c) "I think emacs can be configured as a full IDE."
• You think a relationship is ready for a permanent commitment because: a) You've successfully struggled through several years of good and bad times. b) You're already living together, so you might as well tie the knot. c) You finally got your local network configured just right.
• If you and your partner got married, you would want to: a) Keep your last name. b) Change your last name. c) Combine your names with a hyphen. d) Combine your names with an underscore.
• You and your partner think it's time to have children when: a) Your stock options are vested. b) You've agreed on the requirements and design. c) You've come up with a good naming convention. d) You really understand the use of multiple inheritance.