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Rules of the College Chemistry Lab

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3


  • When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
  • Experiments must be reproducible, they should fail the same way each time.
  • First draw your curves, then plot your data.
  • Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
  • A record of data is essential, it shows you were working.
  • To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
  • To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
  • If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
  • If that doesn't work, start at both ends and try to find a common middle.
  • In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
  • Do not believe in miracles...rely on them.
  • Team work is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
  • All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
  • Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it. (Law of Spontaneous Fission)




         ...from the Engineering Humor web site.
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