Rules of Thumb for the Military

These rules of thumb are followed by those who survive the military and go on to other vocations. Send me an e-mail if you have other good ones to add.

  • "Anything you do can get you killed, including doing nothing." Murphy

  • "If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid." Murphy

  • "If you are in advanced position, artillery will fall short." Murphy

  • "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army Rocket Launcher

  • "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S.M.C. Training Bulletin

  • "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Literature.

  • "If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantryman's Journal

  • "A slipping trigger gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's Magazine of Preventive Maintenance

  • "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

  • "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantryman's Journal

  • "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Manual

  • "Five-second fuses! only last three seconds." - Infantryman's Journal

  • "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth

  • "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantryman's Journal

  • "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."

  • "Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anon Naval brass

  • "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit

  • "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

  • "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."

  • "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." - Jacques Chirac, President of France. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." - Rush Limbaugh

  • "When a crash seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as possible." - Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II

  • "A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping." Anon

  • "The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire." Anon

 

...thanks to Steve for this one
   ...and to Mauriac Z. for the latest two additions