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You Might Be a Redneck Pilot If...

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with reproductive function innuendo and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3

...your stall warning horn plays "Dixie."

...your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points. think sectionals charts should show trailer parks.'ve ever used moonshine as avgas. have mud flaps on your wheel pants. think GPS stands for going perfectly straight.

...your toothpick keeps poking your mike. constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut. have a black airplane with a big #3 on the side.'ve ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer. use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.'ve ever fueled your airplane from a mason jar.'ve got a gun rack on the passenger window. have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.

...your preflight includes removing all of the clover, grass, and wheat from your landing gear. figure the weight of the mud and manure on your airplane into the CG calculations. siphon gas from your tractor to put in your airplane.'ve never landed at an actual airport though you've been flying for years.'ve ground looped after hitting a cow.

...there are parts of your airplane labeled John Deere.

...there's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left. have to buzz the strip to chase off the sheep and goats.

...your primary Comm radio has 90 channels. put hay in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.'ve got matching bumper stickers on the vertical fin.

...there's grass stains on your propeller tips.

...the FAA still thinks you live at your parent's house. navigate with your ADF tuned to exclusively country stations. think that an ultralight is a new sissy beer from Budweiser. wouldn't be caught dead flyin' a Grumman "Yankee."

...there's a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank service. subscribe to The Southern Aviator because of the soft paper! have ever incorporated sheetrock into the repair of your aircraft. have ever tried to impress your girlfriend by buzzing her doublewide.

...the preprinted portion of your weight and balance sheet contains "Case of Bud."

...your go/no-go checklist includes the words "Skoal" or "Redman."

...seen on T-shirt at an air show