These tech-centric jokes,
song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and
websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Based on feedback I have received over
the years, I know there are a lot of pilots amongst RF Cafe visitors, so these seems appropriate.
In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio
exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles
high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace.
Although they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for
a readout of its ground speed."90 knots" Center replied. Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120
knots," Center answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost instantly an F-18
smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout." There was a slight pause, then the
response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause.
As I was thinking to myself how ripe a
situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that
precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen
20, you got a ground speed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal pause....
"Aspen, I show 1,742
knots." (That's about 2005 mph)
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft).
The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet? The
pilot (obviously a sled driver), "We don't plan to go up to it; we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.
A pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel,
and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it
for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out
a .45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator
replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
When Hillary Clinton visited Iraq, the Army Blackhawk
helicopter used to transport the Senator was given the call sign "Broomstick One."
... And they say the
Army has no sense of humor!
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a MD80 landed.
The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the
MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?
the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another
landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one."
There's a story about the military pilot
calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic
Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
Attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC
asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and A concerned passenger asked the
flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained
the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
"Flight 2341, for noise abatement
turn right 45 degrees." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?
Thanks to my good Democrat friend, Steve (he actually included the Broomstick One