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 KirtBlattenberger ... single-handedly redefining what an engineering website should be.
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Universal Law for Naive Engineers | ||||||
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Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor
that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted
and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care
to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones), degrading political taunts, and hateful
tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio
clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor
page to the e-mail link above.
The Recommended Practices Committee of the International Society of Philosophical Engineers Law #1: In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so. Law #2: Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm. Law #3: In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables. Law #4: The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those conditions encountered in actual service. Law #5: The most vital dimension on any plan drawing stands the most chance of being omitted. Law #6: If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be unreasonable. Law #7: If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent production units will malfunction. Law #8: All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0. Law #9: Major changes in construction will always be requested after fabrication is nearly complete. Law #10: Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be. Law #11: Interchangeable parts won't. Law #12: Manufacturer's specifications of performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.5. Law #13: Salespeople's claims for performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25. Law #14: Installation and Operating Instructions shipped with the device will be promptly discarded by the Receiving Department. Law #15: Any device requiring service or adjustment will be the least accessible. Law #16: Service conditions as given on specifications will be exceeded. Law #17: If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault. Law #18: Identical units which test in an identical fashion will not behave in an identical fashion in the field. Law #19: If, in engineering practice, a safety factor is sent through the service experience at an ultimate value, an ingenious idiot will promptly calculate a method to exceed said safety factor. Law #20: Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice. Law #21: The rule for engineers: "Change the data to fit the curve." ...from the Inflection Point web site. | ||||||
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