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McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3

The following was reportedly a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet home page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...

AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase.

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products

1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
  • First Name:
  • Initial:
  • Last Name:
  • Password:
  • Code Name:
  • Latitude:
  • Longitude:
  • Altitude:

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
  • _ F-14 Tomcat
  • _ F-15 Eagle
  • _ F-16 Falcon
  • _ F-117A Stealth
  • _ Classified

3. Date of purchase:
  • Month:
  • Day:
  • Year:

 4. Aircraft Serial Number:

 5. Please check where this product was purchased:
  • _ Received as gift/aid package
  • _ Catalog showroom
  • _ Sleazy arms broker
  • _ Mail order
  • _ Discount store
  • _ Government surplus
  • _ Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
  • _ Heard loud noise, looked up
  • _ Store display
  • _ Espionage
  • _ Recommended by friend/relative/ally
  • _ Political lobbying by manufacturer
  • _ Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
  • _ Style/appearance
  • _ Kickback/bribe
  • _ Recommended by salesperson
  • _ Speed/maneuverability
  • _ Comfort/convenience
  • _ McDonnell Douglas reputation
  • _ Advanced Weapons Systems
  • _ Price/value
  • _ Backroom politics
  • _ Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
  • _ North America
  • _ Central/South America
  • _ Aircraft carrier
  • _ Europe
  • _ Middle East
  • _ Africa
  • _ Asia/Far East
  • _ Misc. Third World countries
  • _ Classified

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

 Product (please check)                              Own                 Intend to purchase
  • Color TV
  • VCR
  • ICBM
  • Killer Satellite
  • CD Player
  • Air-to-Air Missiles
  • Space Shuttle
  • Home Computer
  • Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:
  • _ Communist/Socialist
  • _ Terrorist
  • _ Crazed
  • _ Neutral
  • _ Democratic
  • _ Dictatorship
  • _ Corrupt
  • _ Primitive/Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
  • _ Cash
  • _ Suitcases of cocaine
  • _ Oil revenues
  • _ Deficit spending
  • _ Personal check
  • _ Credit card
  • _ Ransom money
  • _ Traveler's check

12. Occupation                               You                  Your Spouse
  • Homemaker
  • Sales/marketing
  • Revolutionary
  • Clerical
  • Mercenary
  • Tyrant
  • Middle management
  • Eccentric billionaire
  • Defense
  • Minister/general
  • Retired Student

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

 Activity/Interest                                                              You                  Your Spouse
  • Golf
  • Boating/sailing
  • Sabotage
  • Running/jogging
  • Propaganda/disinformation
  • Destabilization/overthrow
  • Default on loans
  • Gardening Crafts
  • Black market/smuggling
  • Collectibles/collections
  • Watching sports on TV
  • Wines
  • Interrogation/torture
  • Household pets
  • Crushing rebellions
  • Espionage/reconnaissance
  • Fashion clothing
  • Border disputes
  • Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD)

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

 Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division
 St. Louis, MO

... from the University of Michigan web site
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