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Managerese vs. Engineerese
Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor
that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted
and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care
to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones), degrading political taunts, and hateful
tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio
clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor
page to the e-mail link above.
| Managerese | Engineerese |
| Adjust schedule | Slip schedule |
| Advise | Order |
| Ambitious | Unlikely |
| Aggressive | Very Unlikely |
| Challenge | Frustration; a dirty job nobody wants |
| Compatibility | Impossibility (see "Transparent change") |
| Contribution | Anything a manager likes |
| Controlled introduction | Let the customer do the CA |
| Couldn't reach consensus | Total disagreement |
| Critical path | Something that only a short project can be on |
| Diagnostics | Something that might give us a clue |
| Dynamic | Unstable |
| Elevated to management level | Dead |
| Encouraged | Ordered |
| Encouraging process | No tangible results |
| Exciting | Frightening |
| Functionally complete | Can do something that appears to work for any feature |
| Growth opportunity | Learning experience |
| Helping people | Telling people what to do |
| Historical | Nobody remembers why |
| Inappropriate | Stupid (see "Non-optimal" and "Stupid") |
| Individual contributor | Regular grunt engineer |
| Interesting | Bear in mind the Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times" |
| Issue | Problem (see "Opportunity") |
| Learning experience | Mistake (see "Growth opportunity") |
| Less than candid | Bald-faced lie |
| Leverage | Borrowing someone else's problem |
| New opportunity | Surprise |
| Non-optimal | Inappropriate |
| Opportunity | Problem |
| Pessimistic | Most likely to occur |
| Positioning problem | No one will buy it |
| Power down | Trip over the power-cord |
| Project transfer | Start project over again |
| Quality | Japanese; otherwise not well defined |
| Redirected | In some contexts: cancelled; otherwise: start again |
| Resource constrained | Not getting done (see "Time constrained") |
| Revision | Same software version but from another tape |
| Richness | Overwhelming complexity |
| Scenario | Fairy tale |
| Significantly reduced subset | Castrated |
| Stable | Stagnant |
| Strategy | What we tell ourselves we are going to do |
| Strong personality | Intolerably obnoxious |
| Strongly encouraged | Ordered on pain of death (see "Encouraged") |
| Stupid | Incredibly stupid (see "Inappropriate") |
| Suboptimal | Inappropriate |
| Tactical plan | What our customers tell us we are going to do |
| Time constrained | Already too late (see "Resource constrained") |
| Time frame | A period of time in which something will not occur |
| Transparent change | A change which introduces only subtle problems |
| We | You |
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