Jokes & Puns Only Smart People Will "Get"
These tech-centric jokes,
song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and
websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
Some of these juxtapose a riddle and a joke to form a clever quip.
- It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
- A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says "Make me one with everything."
- C, E Flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
- There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don't.
- They say a Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.
walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants a drink. "I think not," Descartes says. And
then he disappears.
- What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted
- A programmer's wife says: "Run to the store, and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs,
get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
- What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
- Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble
gases here." He doesn't react.
- Why did the chicken cross the
Möbius strip? To
get to the same side.
- Pavlov is
sitting at a pub enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he jumps up shouting "Oh crap, I forgot
to feed the dog!"
- There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.
- A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies
"No I'm traveling light."
- "Is it solipsistic
in here, or is it just me?"
- What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? Beer.
- Did you hear the about the man who cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.
- People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist." Their words
- How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
- The first rule of
club is the first rule of Tautology club.
- What is a physicist's favorite food? Fission chips.
- They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was
hiding behind two other genes.
- What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.
- There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
- Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- Schrödinger's cat
walks into a bar and doesn't.
- Two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew.
- Knock Knock. Who's there? To. To who? No, to whom.
- A Biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer
and misses 5 feet to the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right, the
statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Most retrieved from the