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Things Not to Do at an Interview

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3

Bill Wright, founder of CAD/CAM Recruiters, has had some interesting feedback about prospective employees he has sent to his clients. Here are some that stand out the most (he swears they are true).
  • “She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.”
  • “Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.”
  • “A balding candidate abruptly excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.”
  • “Asked to see the interviewer’s resume to see if the engineering executive was qualified to judge the candidate.”
  • “Told the interviewing executive he was out of his league.”
  • “Announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fries and wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.”
  • “Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.”
  • “Interrupted to phone his wife for advice on answering specific interview questions.”
  • “When asked about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing.”
  • “Pulled out a Polaroid and snapped a picture of me. Said he collected photos of everybody that interviewed him.”
  • “Demanded more money and that if he got the increase it was a done deal and then after getting the bump, declined because he felt as though the higher salary would create too high of expectations in his performance.”
  • “During an interview, his wrist watch alarm went off and he shut it off, apologized, and said he had to leave for another interview.”
  • “A telephone call came in from his wife on his cell phone. His side of the conversation went like this: 'Which company? When do I start? What’s the salary?' I said, 'I assume you’re not interested in conducting this interview any further.' He promptly responded, 'I am as long as you’ll pay me more.'"
  • “His attaché case opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies’ undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.”
  • “Candidate said he really didn’t want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.”
  • “Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.”
  • “Candidate dropped his coffee cup under table and was under table for at least 15 seconds looking for it.”
  • “Candidate cleaned his ears with his car keys during the interview.”
  • “When asked what he aspired to do X years down the road, he responded: 'Certainly not what you do -- this seems tedious.'"
  • “Two engineering managers interviewed another engineer, who made good eye contact with them but kept making eye contact with another person to our right that wasn’t there.”
  • “A candidate who implied he wanted to work there, but needed a certain week off in the following August to go to a Star Trek convention, because he had a 'killer Borg outfit.'”
  • “A fellow responded to a question by putting on a Boston accent and replied loudly, 'Ask not what your company can do for you but what you can do for your company.' About ten seconds of silence ensued.
  • “A candidate that flossed in the parking lot in the presence of the hiring managers after a lunch meeting.”
  • “A district sales manager that showed up for an interview with a sports jacket over a “Van Halen World Tour” T-shirt.”
  • “A designer that literally had such bad body odor the first three interviewers abbreviated their interview and canceled the rest of the day’s schedule. One of the interviewers had to open the door to the office to create a cross breeze.”
  • “During the course of an interview, I asked a candidate to explain an unaccounted gap in the dates on his resume and he replied, “ Yeah, I was kind of bumming around at that point, but I’ve done a 360 degree turn since then.”
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