Funny T-Shirt Sayings
Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been
collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with reproductive
function innuendo and hateful
tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio
clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor
page to the e-mail link above.
| Humor #2 | Humor #3
Here are the Best T-shirts, which ran
recently in the Washington Post:
- God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends.
- My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips.
- Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount.
- (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If You Can Read This, My wife Fell Off.
- I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now.
- Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping
- What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?
- Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just Better Rich.
- Liberal Arts Major... Will Think for Food.
- Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen.
- Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law.
- If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen.
First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, Closed.
- In Dog Years, I'm Dead.
- Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye Opener.
- If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't for You.
- The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No Lifeguard.
- Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade.
- I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes.
- Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well.
- A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night.
- First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order.
- Old Age Comes at a Bad Time.
- In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One of the Risks You Take.
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
- BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
- So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
- The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
- I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
- Hang up and drive.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in
- God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
- Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
- God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
- I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
- Keep honking while I reload.
- Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
- Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?
- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
- 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
- EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
- If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
- If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
- Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
- Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
- Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
- My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that .
- Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
- Stop repeat offenders. Don't reelect them!
- Your village called, their idiot's missing! (thanks to Martin L. for adding that)
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