Chemical Analysis of Human Elements
Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.
Element Name: WOMAN
Atomic Weight: 'Don't even go there'.
Physical Properties: Generally round in form.
Boils at nothing and may
freeze at any time. Melts
whenever treated properly.
Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly
unstable. Possesses strong
affinity to gold, silver,
platinum, and precious
gemstones. Violent when
left alone. Able to absorb
great amounts of exotic
food. Turns slightly green
when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth.
Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50).
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense
and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and
rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form
strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with
Kd (child) for prolonged periods of time. Can be neutralized by
saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
...from the Basic Jokes website