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Chemical Analysis of Human Elements

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3


Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO

Atomic Weight: 'Don't even go there'.

Physical Properties: Generally round in form.
                                Boils at nothing and may
                                freeze at any time.  Melts
                                whenever treated properly.
                                Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly
                                 unstable. Possesses strong
                                 affinity to gold, silver,
                                 platinum, and precious
                                 gemstones. Violent when
                                 left alone. Able to absorb
                                great amounts of exotic
                                food. Turns slightly green
                                when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth.
            Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.



Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50).

Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense
                                and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and
                                rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as
                                younger samples.

Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form
                                 strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with
                                 Kd (child) for prolonged periods of time. Can be neutralized by
                                 saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.



...from the Basic Jokes website
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