Bill's New House
Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been
collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with reproductive
function innuendo and hateful
tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio
clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor
page to the e-mail link above.
| Humor #2 | Humor #3
While the Gateses are moving in from their
temporary quarters nearby, final construction of their new house is not expected to be completed until the end of
the year. Now if I were a contractor with a sense of humor...
Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."
Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support
option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"
Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think it's a little smaller than we anticipated."
Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date."
Bill: "We won't be able
to fit all our furniture in there."
Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new,
larger living room; or you can use a Stacker."
Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you
put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you
want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you're done."
"Uh... I dunno... issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old
home won't fit. The threads run the wrong way."
Contractor: "Oh! Thats easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and
play. You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."
Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round,
not rectangular. How do I fix that?"
Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system."
Bill: "You're kidding!?"
Contractor: "Nope. Its the only way."
Bill: " Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have
guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers
Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the
resources preventing access from other fixtures."
Bill: "And how do I fix that?"
"Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on,
reenter the house and then you can get back to work."
Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product
are you selling me?"
Contractor: "Hey, if you don't like it... nobody made you buy it."
when will this be fixed?"
Contractor: "Oh, in your next house -- which will be ready to release sometime
near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but we've had some delays..."
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