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Aptronyms

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.

Humor #1 | Humor #2 | Humor #3



Names that match the occupation are called "aptronyms," since they are aptly related. The ones listed here are reportedly real.

  • Ray Ferrie is a retired ferryboat captain.

  • Linda Toot was the principal flute and William Basson was the bassoonist in the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra.

  • The current Florida Bar directory lists eight lawyers whose surname is "Law." They outnumber the Justices, of whom only four are listed. One Just. One Juster. Two Judges, neither of whom is a judge. One Council, but no Counsel.

  • Miss Cashdollar was the treasurer of a grade school.

  • Mr. Sues is a lawyer.

  • A soldier was spotted at a San Francisco military base with the nametag "Mankiller."

  • The 2001-2 Membership and Referral Directory of the American Urology Association includes 9 Dr. Peters, 11 Dr. Wang, 4 Dr. Wiener, 4 Dr. Cox, and 1 Dr. Dick.

  • Richard Seed is a pioneer of reproductive technology.

  • Cardinal Jaime Sin is former head of the Catholic Church in the Philippines.

  • Prof. Martin Braine is an American cognitive psychologist.

  • Prof. John Wisdom is an American philosopher.

  • Dr. Mishe Feinmesser (which means knife), is an Israeli surgeon.

  • Dr. Fingers is a well-know gynecologist in Australia.

  • Lake Speed is a NASCAR driver.

  • Dr. Dick Bone is an osteopath.

  • Patricia Feral is an animal rights activist in Stamford, CT.

  • A guy name Hooker runs a bait shop.

  • George Hammer used to own a hardware store in Louisville, KY. His son, Pete Hammer, now owns it.

  • The expert on deformed frogs (a problem in Minnesota) is Professor Hoppe of Southwest University of Minnesota.

  • In Maine, there is a veterinarian named Dr. Beever and a physician named Dr. DeKay.

  • Bruce Payne and David Swett are authors.

  • There is a law firm in California called Payne & Fears who represent employers in employment litigation.

  • At the British Guards Depot, the chief medical officer was a Captain Blood, his assistant was Lieutenant Butcher; the Dental Officer was a Major Savage.

  • Dr. I. Doctor, Eye Doctor, is an ophthalmologist.

  • There's a used car dealership was owned by Karl Krook.

  • At the Oscar Mayer plant in Madison, WI, the FED meat inspector is named Mr. Carrion.

  • Dr. Metzger is an orthopedic surgeon. The name translated from German means "butcher."

  • Jared Wooley raises sheep and Dr. Bone is an orthopedist in Buffalo, NY. Back in the '70s there were two urologists in Rochester, NY named Dr. Cocky and Dr. Wee.

  • Dr. David Toothaker is a dentist in Arkansas.

  • There is also a Dr. Coffin, Dr. Fearing, Dr. Sorrow, Dr. Pray and Dr. Death (pronounced Deeth) who should probably change his name or his profession.

  • And not to be outdone by Yanks, Bracebridge, Ontario, Canada, boasts of an optometrist named Gord Looker, an electrician named Bruce Sparks, a heating contractor named Mr. Freeze, a sawmill operator named Jordan Plank, and Jim Crook manages the local penitentiary while his assistant is Susan Penwarden.

  • Dr. Tom Fillar is a dentist.

  • Sir Russell Brain is a famous English neurologist.

  • Dr. Hertz was a dentist in Ft. Lauderdale.

  • Marc B. Hertz, DDS, MD, is currently an Oral & Maxillofacial Surgeon practicing in New York.

  • Rev. D. Goodenough is a Methodist minister.

  • Roland Cruz is an auto mechanic.

  • Dr. Slaughter is an oral surgeon.

  • Dr. Singham Butt, G.P., Midland, TX (thanks to Alan D. for this one)

...from the Strange Cosmos website

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