Ten Commandments of Electrical Safety (U.S. Navy)
Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with overt sexual overtones (or undertones) and hateful tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor page to the e-mail link above.
I Beware of the lightning that lurketh in seemingly uncharged capacitors, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in an unseamanlike manner and cause thy hair to stand on end, thereby exceeding regulation length.
II Cause thou the switch that supplieth large quantities of juice to be opened and thusly tagged, that thy days may be long in this earthly vale.
III Prove to thyself that all circuits that radiateth and upon which thou worketh are grounded and thusly tagged, lest they lift thee to radio frequency potential and causeth thee to radiate with the angels.
IV Tarry thou not amongst those fools that engage in intentional shocks, for they are not long of this world and are surely unbelievers.
V Take care thou useth the proper method when thou taketh the measure of high voltage so that thou dost not incinerate both thee and thy test meter. For verily, though thou has no NSN and can be easily surveyed, the test meter has one, and as a consequence, bringeth much woe unto thy supply officer.
VI Take care thou tamperest not with interlocks and safety devices, for this incurreth the wrath of thy department head and bringeth the fury of thy commanding officer on thy head.
VII Work thou not on energized equipment without proper procedures, for if thou dost so, thy shipmates will surely be buying beers for thy widow and consoling her in certain ways not generally acceptable to thee.
VIII Verily, verily, I say unto thee, never service equipment alone, for electrical cooking is a slow process, and thou might sizzle in thy own fat upon a hot circuit for hours on end before thy maker sees fit to end thy misery and drag thee into his fold.
IX Trifle thee not with radioactive tubes and substances lest thou commence to glow in the dark like a lightning bug and thy wife be frustrated and have no further use for thee except for thy wages.
X Commit thou to memory all the words of the prophets which are written down in the 300th chapter of thy Bible which is the "Naval Ships' Technical Manual", and giveth out with the straight dope and consoleth thee when thou hast suffered a ream job by thy division LPO.
From: Gordon S. Hlavenka (email@example.com)