These tech-centric jokes,
song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor have been collected from friends and
websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. It is all workplace-safe.
I Beware of the lightning that lurketh
in seemingly uncharged capacitors, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in an unseamanlike manner and
cause thy hair to stand on end, thereby exceeding regulation length.
II Cause thou the switch that
supplieth large quantities of juice to be opened and thusly tagged, that thy days may be long in this earthly
III Prove to thyself that all circuits that radiateth and upon which thou worketh are grounded and thusly
tagged, lest they lift thee to radio frequency potential and causeth thee to radiate with the angels.
IV Tarry thou not amongst those fools that engage in intentional shocks, for they are not long of this world
and are surely unbelievers.
V Take care thou useth the proper method when thou taketh the measure of
high voltage so that thou dost not incinerate both thee and thy test meter. For verily, though thou has no NSN and
can be easily surveyed, the test meter has one, and as a consequence, bringeth much woe unto thy supply officer.
VI Take care thou tamperest not with interlocks and safety devices, for this incurreth the wrath of thy
department head and bringeth the fury of thy commanding officer on thy head.
VII Work thou not on
energized equipment without proper procedures, for if thou dost so, thy shipmates will surely be buying beers for
thy widow and consoling her in certain ways not generally acceptable to thee.
VIII Verily, verily, I say
unto thee, never service equipment alone, for electrical cooking is a slow process, and thou might sizzle in thy
own fat upon a hot circuit for hours on end before thy maker sees fit to end thy misery and drag thee into his
IX Trifle thee not with radioactive tubes and substances lest thou commence to glow in the dark
like a lightning bug and thy wife be frustrated and have no further use for thee except for thy wages.
Commit thou to memory all the words of the prophets which are written down in the 300th chapter of thy Bible which
is the "Naval Ships' Technical Manual", and giveth out with the straight dope and consoleth thee when thou hast
suffered a ream job by thy division LPO.
From: Gordon S. Hlavenka (firstname.lastname@example.org)