These Aren't My Pants
These original Kirt's Cogitations™ may be reproduced
(no more than 5, please) provided proper credit is given to me, Kirt Blattenberger.
here to return to the Table of Contents.
Cog·i·ta·tion [koj-i-tey'-shun] – noun: Concerted
reflection; meditation; contemplation.
Kirt [kert] – proper noun: RF Cafe webmaster.
"These aren't my pants."
That's the most common excuse heard by police officers across
the country - no kidding. It is the response given by people who, when
they are patted down by police, are found to have a gun, drugs, stolen
goods, or something similar in their pants. Here's a true story. A policeman
asked a suspect, "Do you have drugs or a weapon on your person?" "No,
sir," was the predictable reply. The officer patted down the guy and
found a few packets of cocaine in his jacket. The guy was furious. He
stripped off his jacket and threw it on the ground in disgust while
claiming, "This isn't my jacket. I borrowed it from my cousin. I can't
believe that guy, leaving drugs in his jacket and lending it to me."
The officer then found a few more packets of cocaine in the guy's shirt
pockets. "And these would be a surprise to you as well, I suppose?"
"Yes, I don't believe this. This isn't my shirt. It's my brother's,"
he said as he stripped off the shirt and threw it on the ground, too.
The cop continued the pat down on the man's only remaining outer garment
- his pants - and guess what? He found a small pistol and several packets
of cocaine. "These aren't my pants, either! They belong to my buddy.
I can't believe that they would do this to me!" He proceeded to strip
off his pant and throw them on the ground in disgust. Well, after that
the only thing left was his boxer shorts, so the officer figured he'd
better terminate the search.
This lengthy, but very humorous
account was taken from the book "These Aren't My Pants," by Daniel Butler
and Alan Ray. It's worth reading!